Cage
by Bardess Akila
Summary: Suicide. Darkfic. Songfic thingie. Sucks. Read it anyway or I'll eat your brains.


The instrument, in my hands, so cold, so sharp, so bare against my pale skin. Against my pale skin? No, no, against yours, I can see it, I can see it here. Burning, twisting, agonizingly bright, vivid, commited to my memory for eternity. Why, why is it so hard to forget? To forget your face, your pretty, cold face. No, no, it hurts... the face, the coldness, the sharp, dead laughter, the death... it hurts, agonizing... I've waited, waited so long. And you finally showed.  
  
_shibire wo kirashiteru boku wa mado no chi wo hiki sado no kimi wo matsu  
dekireba doku no baiser de_  
  
I wait. You show. The tool, against my... your... pale skin, reflecting the moonlight streaming in through tall windows. And you stop, stop, watching. What is that on your cold face...? Fear? Is that it, fear? You knew this day would come... The person, the only person, that understood me. You.  
  
_hitan yue ni bitoku miezu kimi wa saigo no mama de  
kioku umete kizukarenu you ni saigo no mama  
tokei wa hidarimawari demo okashita tsumi wa kaerezu  
saisho de saigo no rikaisha yakitsukete_  
  
I... don't think I can. Cold metal pressed against cold flesh. The cold flesh I envision to be yours. But it isn't, is it? It's mine. My neck... my flesh, my coldness. All mine. Not yours. MINE... you know that, don't you? Who are you scared for? Me? Don't be, dead one...  
  
Can I...?  
  
_iyagaru boku wo mite tsuyoku soshite yasashiku muriyari no tetsudan  
keshite kimi ni wa ienai  
kawa no kishimu oto ga itai kizu wo fukamete yukou  
shittobukai kimi wa itsudemo reiketsu na no?  
osanai koro no gyakutai ga ne ima demo wasurezu ni itai  
naze mama wa inai no oshiete yo_  
  
It's my fault. Your fault. All yours! All yours! Not mine, yours! Yours! It presses deeper, harder... oh, but it feels so good. So good.  
  
_itsu ka wa yasashisa ni kizuite haha naru "yurikago" no naka de  
hitsuu yue ni mae ga miezu boku no saigo no mama de  
semete kimi ni kizukarenu you ni saisho no mama  
tokei wa hidarimawari demo okashita tsumi wa kaerezu  
saisho de saigo no rikaisha kowashita_  
  
And I press. Into my skin, into my life, my blood. And I take my dying breath, shuddering, shaking, and I watch your face, the horror, and laugh. Laugh, coldly, the laugh I picked up from you. Why are you so surprised, brother? Why...? It's all my fault that you're cold, all my fault. We wouldn't be here, you wouldn't be like this, if it weren't for me... and with my last breath... I sing...  
  
"_boku ni wa yasashisugita no ka naa? mukashi no torauma wo utsushi  
saigo no kimi made kowashita boku wa sado?_"  
  
And you cry, and I die. Farewell, dearest brother. Farewell.

-OWARI-  
  
I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. The lyrics used in this are from Dir en grey's song "Cage". Translations at the bottom.  
  
I wrote this while I was listening to the song. This is the first thing I've edited. Sorry to all the people reading my other fic, Kidnapping an Angel. I had a mental breakdown (literally) that lasted about a month. I'm still really, really depressed and shaky (mentally). I'm like, on the edge of a knife (sorry for the stupid LoTR quotage stuff), and I'm wavering on the tip. Either I calm down and make myself comfy (and have my butt impaled by the knife XP) or I fall off the edge. Again. By the way, if you hadn't realized, Mokuba commited suicide in this. I've been feeling like such a burden to my family and can't bring myself to write the story without thinking the whole thing through (which I don't want to do). I think this is progress, for me, though, to be writing at least SOMETHING. I know, it's uber short, but I didn't feel like making it long. Besides, the song is pretty short. I love the song, though. My favorite song by Dir en grey. Kyo = -heart-  
  
Anyway, translations.  
  
"_impatient the masochist's blood runs in my veins I wait for you, the sadist  
if I can do it with a poisonous kiss_

_because of sorrow I cannot see virtue you are the last mother  
the memory buried so that you won't realise the first mother  
even though the clock turns backwards the sin I've committed can't be changed  
the first and last person who understood me is burned into my memory  
  
see me resisting strongly and then kindly forcing a decision  
I can never tell you  
the creaking sound of leather hurts me let's make the wound even deeper  
you, deeply jealous are you always so cold-hearted?  
even now I don't want to forget the abuse of my childhood  
why don't I have a mother? tell me...  
  
someday I'll realise kindness inside the mother-like "cradle"...  
  
because of anguish I cannot see before me my last mother  
  
at least, so that you won't realise the first mother  
even though the clock turns backwards the sin I've committed can't be changed  
the first and last person who understood me is destroyed  
_  
_were you too kind to me? the reflection of a trauma from long ago  
I destroyed you, the last one am I a sadist?_"  
  
There ya go. -hugs you all- Thankies for reading. It sucks, but hey.


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